My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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