Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
