Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize