i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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