he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
