I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
