Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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