I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
