I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
