I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well you can't waste a boner
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Please don't give away my fajitas
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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