I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
