i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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