Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
