Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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