I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize