Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
