Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
