absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
