Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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