dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
