Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize