My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
