I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
