He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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