I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
