WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
