I cannot find my penis.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
