I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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