she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
