theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
