come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize