Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
