So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
