I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
