I wish I could punch you in the face.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
