I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
