Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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