I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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