cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
