just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize