WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
