if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
