we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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