I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
