I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
