WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize