i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
