I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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