I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
