I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
