those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
