did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
