was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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