Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
me + whiskey = a bad person
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize