i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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