I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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