i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
