this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize