Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
