he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
