Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
