do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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