Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
