We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize