just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
