How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize