Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
These tits shall not be calmed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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