The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
