Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
