Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
