Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
