Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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