we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
