Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My ATM looks so different sober.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
