As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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