You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
