Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
