I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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