i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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