i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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