she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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