I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
