Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
