tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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