you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
