dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
