Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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