I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
