I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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