His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I need a burrito and a hug.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
