Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
